Well. *Am* I grown up yet? When did I grow up? Will I ever grow up?

A few years ago when I turned 50, Mouse was still in high school and delighted in loudly crowing to everyone within earshot, “You are 50!” At the ski ranch. In an auditorium. At the grocery store. Heads turned every time. I didn’t really care! 50 was the best birthday of my life! Even though I spent it at the Courtois Group Home at Houghton Lake. I mean the old moldy version of the Courtois Group Home, where you had to flush the toilet in the winter by throwing buckets of water down it. I loved that birthday.

My typical response to Mouse was usually something like, “Okay, I may be 50, but you are almost-17-going-on-25-with-big-flashes-of-2-and-a-half.” And that pretty accurately describes how Mouse was. And is, although now that she’s almost 21, the going-on is more like 40. But those big flashes of 2-and-a-half are still there. And guess what? I have them too. Like last night when I came home at 9:30 or whatever after being gone since eight AM and the GG had some music on that I objected too. I sure let him know about it. Whiiiiiinnne. And really. He was listening to THE BEATLES, of all things. What *was* my problem?

Age just isn’t a number. I think we are all a big conglomeration of ages. We are what we were at two and 22 (“mama, he has some 2s!!!”) and 30-something with young kids (“getcher blasted boots on already!”) and so on and so on. I am so jaded sometimes now. I get so tired of people that complain over and over and over about the same old things that they either can’t change or won’t change. I feel like about 90 at those moments. And then there are the days when I just take care of business without sweating the small stuff, like a 50-something moom just needs to do. And there are the moments when I kick up my heels and fling a kayak into the lake as if I were 20 again, jump in and paddle off! Er, except that I didn’t start kayaking until I was in my later forties. But kayaking makes me feel like a 20-year-old.

Am I grown up? I dunno. I haven’t ever reached an age where I felt any different. I do approach things sort of differently now. I push myself to do things that I might not have twenty years ago. I laugh and let things slide that I might not have twenty years ago. Usually. I’m not perfect. I feel like I can sort of “handle” life now. Knock on wood big time! Am I grown up? I hope I never feel like a grown-up.

So, 54 going on about 90 with the overwhelmedness of 35 and the (mostly) physical strength of 22 and big flashes (lots of them) of 2-1/2. HGBTM!!!

Love you all,

Kayak Woman

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2008 at 7:19 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.