Qx%l#mxpdbbbbbt!
Yes. It was one of those days. Oh, not *those* days. Nobody here is sick. Everybody has a job. And plenty of food. And clothing and automotive vee-hickles and more than a few computing devices. And even some measly little scraps of money when we’re careful. Nevertheless, I was totally tied up in knots today. Facing a snarled rats’ nest of seemingly intractable problems and not having the faintest idea of how to even begin to untangle them. I can do this kind of thing at work. I spent the entire afternoon picking away at making a flowchart to help me describe a complex algorithm involving a number of variables. It had been flummoxing everybody. It was flummoxing me. After a slodgily unproductive morning, I finally made myself buckle down aaaannnnnd… I did it! (I think. We’ll see if I can decipher my own work tomorrow morning.)
I can’t do that with life, no matter how hard I try. And so… I came home from work grumpy and then I schlumped around acting passive-aggressively for a while, endearing myself to everyone in my path. I hate when people do the whole passive-aggressive routine, don’t you? But I do it. And I hate myself when I act like that. Anyway. It was a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, even. I was intensely frustrated and then I behaved pretty badly and now I am feeling worse and even more frustrated. I am about as far from perfect as a person can get. And I am a spirited person. I have a huuuuuge amount of energy and I never quite learned how channel that or to argue effectively and I can only act cool, calm, and collected for so long without exploding. Which I almost did today but not quite. And yes, I mean the throwing things kind of exploding. Oh, I throw things like dish cloths, not knives or breakable items. And I don’t throw them at people, although I will sometimes threaten the GG with wet dish cloths if he provokes me enough.
I hope y’all had a better day. I hope I am a little closer to what passes for normal tomorrow. For now, I have not yet surfaced outta the depths of despair. My little problems are those of the first-world more-or-less-privileged “class”. But they’ve got me down today.
October 4th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
You’re allowed to be grumpy and passive-aggressive at times; who hasn’t been? We’re all human!! I am an expert at acting like a martyr which drives everyone in my family batty. (even me) Some days we just need to go to bed early and put the day behind us!
October 5th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Love you mama.