Yes. It was one of those days. Oh, not *those* days. Nobody here is sick. Everybody has a job. And plenty of food. And clothing and automotive vee-hickles and more than a few computing devices. And even some measly little scraps of money when we’re careful. Nevertheless, I was totally tied up in knots today. Facing a snarled rats’ nest of seemingly intractable problems and not having the faintest idea of how to even begin to untangle them. I can do this kind of thing at work. I spent the entire afternoon picking away at making a flowchart to help me describe a complex algorithm involving a number of variables. It had been flummoxing everybody. It was flummoxing me. After a slodgily unproductive morning, I finally made myself buckle down aaaannnnnd… I did it! (I think. We’ll see if I can decipher my own work tomorrow morning.)

I can’t do that with life, no matter how hard I try. And so… I came home from work grumpy and then I schlumped around acting passive-aggressively for a while, endearing myself to everyone in my path. I hate when people do the whole passive-aggressive routine, don’t you? But I do it. And I hate myself when I act like that. Anyway. It was a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, even. I was intensely frustrated and then I behaved pretty badly and now I am feeling worse and even more frustrated. I am about as far from perfect as a person can get. And I am a spirited person. I have a huuuuuge amount of energy and I never quite learned how channel that or to argue effectively and I can only act cool, calm, and collected for so long without exploding. Which I almost did today but not quite. And yes, I mean the throwing things kind of exploding. Oh, I throw things like dish cloths, not knives or breakable items. And I don’t throw them at people, although I will sometimes threaten the GG with wet dish cloths if he provokes me enough.

I hope y’all had a better day. I hope I am a little closer to what passes for normal tomorrow. For now, I have not yet surfaced outta the depths of despair. My little problems are those of the first-world more-or-less-privileged “class”. But they’ve got me down today.

2 Responses to “Qx%l#mxpdbbbbbt!”

  1. Margaret Says:

    You’re allowed to be grumpy and passive-aggressive at times; who hasn’t been? We’re all human!! I am an expert at acting like a martyr which drives everyone in my family batty. (even me) Some days we just need to go to bed early and put the day behind us!

  2. isa Says:

    Love you mama.