Tetrachromatic Cougar

Dear Chicos,

Yaknow… I started buying clothes from you because you had clothing that was comfortable and it was in COLOR!!! What is up with all of the beige this fall? Beige is NOT a color! Did you not get the memo? Yes, you do have a lot of black. That’s okay. The problem is that I HAVE a lot of black already. I am looking for some accent pieces. White, beige, and denim will not do. I gave up jeans way back in the dark ages when Calvin Klein changed the cut of their signature jeans. And what the HECK is with all the aminal prints? Whaddya think, I am some kind of cougar or something? I assure you, I am not a blasted cougar.

Tetrachromatically yours,
Kayak Woman

So, I need clothes for work and I also have a wedding to attend next weekend. I can disguise the fact that I basically wear about three outfits to work by mix and match and accessories. Scarves are my friends. Weddings and things? Hmmmm. I knew I had to drag my sorry carcass over to the mall at some point and I was dreading it. I hate shopping for clothes and I hate trying them on and I hate pushy saleswomen that try to point me to colors I don’t like. Like beige. Or salmon pink. Beige doesn’t look good on me, not to mention that it is not a color. We won’t even talk about salmon pink. I am a black with jewel tones person. Take a note Chico’s.

Today, I steeled myself for my more or less biannual clothes shopping trip (or is it semiannual, the Internet seems to provide conflicting answers to “twice a year”). I do buy things that I KNOW will fit/work via the internet but I was thinking I might actually have to try some things on today. Sigh. Chicos had just about what I described above. I also gave Macy’s a chance, since I parked over on that side. I had some success there with some long, tiered skirts a couple summers ago during their “Summer of Love” promotion or whatever. Today? O.M.G. I could not figure out which department was which and there were clearance racks from SUMMER stuck in the middle of everything and and and and… It was all I could do to keep from running outta there screaming!

By that time, I had actually come up with an idea. Hope you were sitting down for that! I figure that I can get away with wearing some of my nice comfy black wardrobe — long skirt and tank top — with a luxurious shawl of some sort. Preferably something a little sparkly. Silk or velvet with a fringe and/or a sprinkling of beads and/or sequins about the edges. I’m thinking my fave turquoise. Or lapis lazuli. Or gold. Or even silver. Alas. I could find nada at the mall. But. I could SEW something. I do own a sewing machine and I know how to use it. A shawl is basically a triangle, so it would be quick. Or I could pay Mouse to sew it for me. (Of course, I’m also gonna ask Mouse to chop off some of my raggedy old mop…) It’s probably too late to mount an expotition to Haberman’s in Royal Joke or Fabric Gallery in Williamston to get some FINE fabric. Like I want. But maybe I can get by with something from Joann’s. Hmmm. And jewelry. I do own some decent costume jewelry…

Stay tuned. Or not 😉

P.S. I’m not sure if the bride is a regular reader but if she does happen to read this, she should NOT be stressed out about my stupid little KW-type clothing problems!!!!!! It is the BRIDE and GROOM’S day. Not mine. I am very happy for my niece and new nephew and I will have fun at their wedding whatever I end up wearing! Hopefully not a lampshade butchya never know. Love.

6 Responses to “Tetrachromatic Cougar

  1. Margaret Says:

    I hate clothes shopping with a passion. I’m usually frustrated after about 10 minutes and ready to leave. The styles, the colors, the prices, how they fit–it’s all annoying…

  2. Tonya Says:

    I hate clothes shopping, too, and I’m notorious for NOT trying things on and then being often unhappy with what I’ve purchased (and not being good about returning them…but I’m also pretty cheap). My mom used to sew all my clothes throughout school, even high school. She *tried* to teach me how to sew, but I have absolutely ZERO spatial ability (couldn’t imagine the pattern pieces anything beyond a flimsy piece of paper. And TURN THE FABRIC INSIDE OUT? WTH?) And for the record, I HATE animal prints. SO not me.

  3. pooh Says:

    If you have time, you might check out The Territory Ahead. They have a store in Clinton Township at The Mall at Partridge Creek. They also have a website, natch, (www.territoryahead.com), but I find their sizing is sometimes inconsistent. Your shawl idea sounds great, though.

  4. grandmothertrucker Says:

    Clothes shopping? What is that? ” New” clothes? I have a vast collection of tank tops, T shirts, and sweat pants, 3 pairs of jeans that are too big and a few simple tops. I have period correct clothing packed away for 1750 and the Rennaisance Era. Some of my clothing is over 10 years old. I’m not making it to the wedding. I am trying to get my sons suit to Kathys house so she can take it down, so when he arrives he can wear it. He just called. I have to go dig through his storage unit, move stuff around and try to find what he wants for the wedding. I am missing his pants. : 0 I have the dress I wore to Chris n Kellys wedding. Doesn’t fit, I lost like 60 lbs this year.

    Yes, go to Partrige Creek Mall, spend the day wandering, sit by the fire pit and you will love it there. Go to Sur La Table and look at kitchen stuff, you will like that too. Call me if you do, and I will try to meet you there. It would be nice to see you, and maybe I can whip up a surprise for somebody…. Territory and Cold creek are both there and have similar stuff, very pricey in my mind, but very nice. Better than Eddie Bauer…

    I can sew and I have a machine. I was trying to help make costumes for Dougs friends last night and got frustrated trying to work in the dark in a garage, cause that is the dressing room, with the dress on my lap. Halloween stuff. I should stick to small piece quilting. So much to do and so little time….

  5. kayak woman Says:

    Territory Ahead looks interesting although Clinton Township is a trek I probably won’t make soon (sorry gmt, HL some weekend? 🙂 ). It does sound like I will get to Haberman’s this weekend after all. With Mouse. I sneaked out to lunch with her today and then Joann’s. I got some nice sparkly purple and black spider fabric for Halloween but they really didn’t have anything *nice*. Which I expected.

    It’s interesting how many women hate shopping so much. It strikes me that some of these stores would make a lot more money if they created a better experience for us. Clerks need to be available and friendly but not stifling, for one thing. Mirrors INSIDE the dressing rooms. For a while, Chico’s didn’t have those but they finally installed them. Neatly organized departments and racks so you can FIND things. And I hate when they try to upsell me at the cash register. “If you spend $25 more, you get another 10% off.” Etc., etc. Oh well.

  6. becky courtois Says:


    They have some really beautiful scarves, shawls, and bags on this site. Anyway don’t sweat it – we all look great after a couple glasses of wine :). BTW I’m wearing beige!! :O