Easter bunnies and duckies and chicksies and lambies and cowsies and froggies

goodfriday.jpgOkay, I can deal with the concept of an Easter cow, I guess, especially if it is made out a cute, furry, lavender fabric. But an Easter FROG??? I think I have an Easter hangover.

Since when did this amphibious green slimehopper become elevated to the status of an official Easter aminal? I kid you not. Mouse and I celebrated Christmas Holy Saturday slog-slithering through the thick layer of icy slush that clogged the streets of the Planet Ann Arbor single-handedly jump-starting the ailing US economy. Tarjay, Bed Bath and Beyond, and the Westgate Kroger, where we completely overwhelmed the uscan. Everywhere we went, there were frogs mixed in with the cute little yellow and pink and lavender bunnies and chickies and duckies and lambies. And cowsies. People, do you have any idea how dangerous the concept of an Easter Froggy is? Make no mistake. These are cute little green froggies and people are all oohing and aahing all over them and cooing crazy things like, “oooh, look at the cute little froggies, wouldn’t one of those be perfect for little Madison’s Easter basket?” People, do not be fooled. These slimy little rapscallions look adorable in the store. They will look up at you with their big, buggly eyes as you take them through the checkout. “Oh, pleeeeese take me home!” they will squeak. Beware. When you get them home, they will show their true colors. Just wait. They will steal every motorized vee-hickle they can get their greasy little green hands on and return them with green, slimy stuff all over the seats and windows. When they get bored with whatever rusty old street vee-hickles you have to offer, they’ll peer out into the back yard and grok, “Hay, whare’s th’ flyin’ musheen?” If you don’t have one, they’ll go steal one from the Coast Guard. Next they will proceed to rummage the “cubberds” for intoxicating substances of various sorts. You know, frog juice, laundry detergent, listerine. After a bit of imbibing, they’ll be lounging around in the laundry basket singing ribald little ditties at the top of their lungs and grokking around for all the other poor little aminals to serve them more drink. And the outlandish wardrobes. Frog clothing preferences make the neighborhood drag queen’s attire look like business casual. Lemme see. A shocking pink second head of hair. And he begged and pleaded with us to buy him a neon blue one yesterday at Bed Bath and Beyond. Babushkas and fancy shawls. Harry Potter glasses. Mardi Gras beads. Folks, please take my advice and stick with a nice little pink bunny for little Madison’s Easter basket.

I think I have some typos and stuff but since it is (still) taking at 5-10 minutes to load each page here, I’m gonna just let ’em be. Let it beee-eee. Let it bee-eee. Let it bee-eeee. Let it bee-he-eee. Dum de dum de dum, grok grok grok.

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