I’m really okay, just a little ragged around the edges

If you are female and have carried biological children to term or thereabouts, you may recognize that feeling. It always hit me in about the 8th or 9th month. I dealt with it by thinking through… “At some point this will be over. Lemme see, the baby is due in late October. By Thanksgiving she’ll be born.” (Actually, I didn’t really know that that particular baby would be a she. I had a hunch but there was no ultrasound or anything.)

I’m feeling a little like that now. Ragged around the edges. Life could be a lot worse. The hardest thing is that there is still no defined timeline. It hits me in the odd little moments of repetition. Every time I hit the button on The Comm’s garage door opener. Every time I hit the button that TURNS OFF the DAMN getchyer oil changed light on the Ninja. There is NO Honda dealer up here!!! Fer kee-reist, whaddya want me to do? EVERY time I ride the elevator up one floor to the long term care rehab. What will I find there this time? Will I interrupt another Shakey Start or will The Comm be in the dining room actually standing there watching the bingo game, like she was last night? I was floored! The Comm is an “intellectual”. She does NOT play bingo! More likely I will find her reading some erudite article about terrorists. We *will* have more Shakey Starts. This stuff is not for sissies, as they say. But it *must* be lived through and I am doing my best to think *through* to the next reality. The brave new world. I dare say that, with a little less stubbornness, we would not be enduring this interim period because we would already be *in* the brave new world. On the other hand, with a little less stubbornness, The Comm might not be making the kind of progress she is making with rehab. There are many, many people who don’t, and my dad was one of them (but of course, his problems were different too).

“What can I do to help?” People always ask. Well. 1) Beeeee meeeee (i.e., take care of all of this stuff *for* me). 2) Clone meeeeee (so I can be five places at once). 3) Wave your magic wand and make a nice one-bedroom apartment open up at Freighter View, oh, about yesterday. I’m really, really, really not being snarky. It’s just that there isn’t much anyone can do. If you have ever been in this kind of position with a feisty old parent like The Comm, you know exactly what I mean. And, actually, those of you who know The Comm are already helping a lot. You are visiting! And calling. And sending cards. And skunk cabbage mittens. And dropping off fancy chocolate candy. (Not toooo much of that stuff, please. *I* don’t need it!) And dropping drywall dust all over everything so the GG has something to vacuum when he’s here. And listening to me vent when I need to. THANK YOU!!!!

P.S. My fav-o-rite part of today? Probably when I slodged down there in the late afternoon. I am not the best conversationalist from the getgo and we were both tired, so I played Angry Birds on my phone while The Comm watched. I am *terrible* at Angry Birds and she got a huge charge out of watching me constantly lose!

5 Responses to “I’m really okay, just a little ragged around the edges”

  1. Margaret Says:

    Ragged around the edges–a perfect description of me since early December. Life never lets up on us, does it?

  2. Marquis Says:

    Hang in there, Anne. You are doing good works. A lot of people love you. Keep us informed.

  3. Tonya Watkins Says:

    The limbo is the hardest — about everything. The waiting for *things* to have some sense of normalcy. I crave normalcy, of some sort — I suspect you do, too! Oh, man, all I can say is hang in there. I’m very glad to hear The Commander is doing so well.

  4. Pooh Says:

    KW, I don’t know if it is still there, but in 1987 there was a Honda dealership in Soo, Ontario. We spent a “lovely” rainy afternoon there when our Honda wagon had some problem. Dan, being two, had a great time, sitting on the riding mowers and motorcycles that cost as much as our car. I, being pregnant, was antsy, and would rather have been doing the tourist sites downtown, except that it was raining.

    For that matter, you might try Fernelius Auto, on your side of the river. They did good work on our Civic when the check engine light came on, just before I was going to drive solo to Quebec.

    Being on the waiting list is a weight on your mind, but as you noted, you didn’t have to wait all the way until Thanksgiving with kiddo #1, so hang in there.

  5. Pooh Says:

    OOPS, our current car is a Corolla, not a Civic. I guess I was thinking Honda then, and transposed it now.