Bureaucracy

Baggy the Washerwoman wanted nothing more in life than a Beauteous Titanium Tiara. It would make her look so young and bee-yoo-ty-ful perched atop her scraggly old dishwater-blonde/gray hair. Grok grok. The ol’ bag is off her rocker! Baggy the Washerwoman heard that there was just such a tiara available but it seemed that she needed to go through Quacky the Duck to get it.

So Baggy the Washerwoman trudged over to Quacky the Duck’s cluttered office in the back of the neighborhood pet frog accoutrement store and asked how to get the Beauteous Titanium Tiara. Quacky the Duck said to Baggy the Washerwoman, “Go and get that battered old yellow plastic sippy cup out of your cupboard and take it down to the Great Gray-green Greasy Urinius River. Hungry the Heron will exchange it for a beauteous titanium tiara.”

Baggy the Washerwoman trudged back to the Landfill, grabbed the battered old yellow plastic sippy cup and trudged wearily down to the Great Gray-green Urinius River. She timidly approached Hungry the Heron. “Quacky the Duck said that if I gave you this battered old yellow plastic sippy cup, you would give me a beauteous titanium tiara. It would go so well with my crappy old washerwoman hair and clothes.” “Harumph!” said Hungry the Heron, “Where’s my five-tier birthday cake with red, orange, yellow, green, and blue layers and purple frosting? I can’t give you your stoopid old tiara without my birthday cake.” Baggy the Washerwoman lowered her eyes in shame and dismay and replied, “But I didn’t *know* that you required a five-tier birthday cake with red, orange, yellow, green, and blue layers and purple frosting. Quacky the Duck didn’t tell me that.” “No birthday cake, no tiara,” said Hungry the Heron.

Meanwhile, back at the Landfill, Froggy was getting hungry and Baggy the Washerwoman was not around to catch fleas and flies for him. So he reached into the refrigerator, snagged a slimy five-week-old cucumber and shoved it into his gullet with a chaser of laundry detergent. Grok grok frogksg burp.

Baggy the Washerwoman trudged wearily over to Quick Green Lizard’s bakery. “I want to buy a five-tier birthday cake with red, orange, yellow, green, and blue layers and purple frosting. It’s for Hungry the Heron so I can get my beauteous titanium tiara. “Sneedly-deedly-dee tinkly-winkly argly-bargly blippity-bloop,” said the always accommodating Quick Green Lizard, as fast as lightning. Now Baggy the Washerwoman could not understand most of that lizard talk but since Quick Green Lizard swung into action and, quick as a wink, produced a beeeeeauteous five-tier birthday cake with red, orange, yellow, green, and blue layers and purple frosting, Baggy the Washerwoman figured that Hungry the Heron would be ecstatic, so she paid for the cake and trudged off back over to the Great Gray-green Urinius River.

Meeeeeeanwhiiiile, back at the Landfill, Froggy was still hungry. Baggy the Washerwoman was stiill not around to catch fleas and flies for him, so he reached into the refrigerator, snagged a whole hunk of the GG’s stinky 12-year-old cheese and shoved it into his gullet with a chaser of Listerine. Grooooook grlbok glubrok buuuurp.

Alas, when Baggy the Washerwoman arrived back at the Great Gray-green Urinius River and presented Hungry the Heron with his loverly birthday cake, he roared, “What is that sparkly stuff on top of my cake? This cake does not meet the requirements for the beauteous titanium tiara and you can’t have it! Anyway, why do you think an ugly old bag like you should have a tiara?”

Tail between her legs, Baggy the Washerwoman trudged wearily back to Quacky the Duck and said (meekly), “I didn’t know I needed to give Hungry the Heron a five-tier birthday cake with red, orange, yellow, green, and blue layers and purple frosting to get my tiara.” Quacky the Duck said, “What? You went to Hungry the Heron for that stoopid tiara? You were supposed to go and talk to Larry the Lion. But you have to be careful about approaching Larry the Lion because he will EAT you if you don’t present all of the correct requirements.”

Baggy the Washerwoman was too tired to even think about approaching Larry the Lion by that time. She decided to put off that encounter for a while, like maybe a lightyear into the future. So she trudged wearily back to the Landfill…

…where she found that Froggy had shoved a whole chicken (the one Baggy had been defrosting for dinner) down his gullet. She wasn’t sure if he had chased it with anything. grokka grokka grokka BUUURRRRRPPPPP!

3 Responses to “Bureaucracy”

  1. GG Says:

    uhhhh? okay. Are you Okay???

  2. kayak woman Says:

    Of course…

  3. pooh Says:

    I just now noticed the title. Before, I thought it was a fable, but now I realize it is an allegory. Hope it wasn’t ALL GORY.