Venue: Plum Market seafood encounter
Characters: Enthusiastic Young Seafood Guy (EYSG), Thirty-something Male Wishful Parent (FMWP), Kayak Woman (KW), Mouse (Mouse)
Scene: KW buying shrimp and sea scallops at the Plum

Act I

EYSG: May I help you?

KW: I’ll take half a pound of *that* shrimp and half a pound of the sea scallops.

EYSG [enthusiastically]: We have these nice softshell crabs here. You cook them like blah blah blah. They’re alive!! 🙂

KW [speechless, thinking how cute the softshell crabs were, sitting there on ice in the seafood case]:

EYSG [seeing KW’s horrified look and backpedaling quite a bit]: blup blup blup. Er, that is, I mean, blup blup blup, when you get them, they aren’t alive. blup blup blup.

KW [empathizing with EYSG’s plight and mustering motherly-type politeness]: No thanks. I have what I need for today. And there are only two of us. etc. etc. blah blah blah [sigh]

Act II
[A few weeks later, KW is buying the same things]

FMWP [peering at KW’s cart]: I thought there was a *baby* in there!

KW [horrified, thinking he was looking into the seafood counter and scanning quickly for baby seafood (or live softshell crabs)]: What *kind* of baby?

FMWP: I mean in your *cart*?

KW [whew! and then]: Nope. Sorry. I am not having any more babies.

FMWP [cheerfully trying to save himself]: Well, you could certainly have another one. Blup blup, I mean they are doing all kinds of crazy things these days.

KW [empathizing with FMWP’s plight and mustering motherly-type politeness]: I don’t think so but thanks!

Mouse [walking up from some other area of the Plum]: What’s going on? [approximate words, of course]

[FMWP and KW explain about “baby” in cart.]

FMWP [approximate words]: You were thinking, “Oh no, I have to deal with a new baby sister at my age!”

Mouse [speechless]

THE END.

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