Two All Beef Patties Special Sauce Lettuce Cheese Pickles Onions on a Sesame Seed Bun

Another one o’ them thar very short plays:

Longtime neighbor and fellow member of the once Haisley Mafia that I like and am friendly with but not really *friends* with, if that makes any sense: “So what are you doing these days?”

Kayak Woman: “I am a blah-blah-blah and I <insert long description of what I do using a whole bunch of technical words here>.”

LN [stepping backwards a bit and clearly missing a few beats]: “Ohhhh……. Well, I always knew you were really really smart.”

KW: [wide-eyed, speechless, and shaking just a bit]


Roight. I greatly enjoy my job but I am still on a huge learning curve and I feel “really really smart” about 5% of the time and, well, not so smart about another 75%, and speak-slowly-I’m-blonde for the full other 20%. [Uh, does that add up to 100%?] Not to mention that it took me a couple months of work and some digging into the company website about my official job description to come up with what I think is a sound-bite description of what it is that I do. And another month to be able to spit it out intelligibly. And, in the back of my mind is the nagging little fact that back in the day of beach urchins and the Haisley Mafia, it took me something like six months to be able to order a “double decaf cappuccino with hazelnut” at Barry Bagels without asking UberVicki, “will you order that thing that you always order for me?” And speaking of Barry Bagels, nowadays I stumble over ordering “tuna salad on a tomato basil bagel, untoasted, with lettuce and tomato” for my Monday lunch. I can’t do peanut butter *every* day.

Can you say duh?

How fast can you say it?

5 Responses to “Two All Beef Patties Special Sauce Lettuce Cheese Pickles Onions on a Sesame Seed Bun”

  1. Webmomster Says:

    I gave a deposition this afternoon, and everytime I said “American Metal Market”, it tried really hard to come out as “American *Medical* Market”. Then the attorney for the other side actually DID say it that way…

  2. mouse Says:


  3. mouse Says:

    (i loooove you!! i’m excited for you and daddy to come out and see me!)

  4. joanny Says:

    At the bus stop….. 2 fat chicks named Pat. This guy Ross thinks he’s special. A guy named Lester, has a surname of Cheeze. Lester has bunions, and picks them all the time. They are all at the bus stop, on Sesame Street. ie: Two obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Cheeze picking his bunions, all on a Sesame Street Bus……… !

  5. joanny Says:

    next time it’s realllly cold outside, and your lips are frozen, say numb buns.” ten times, as fast as you can. kids like that.