It is not my birthday today but it is The Beautiful Gay’s aka my beloved s-i-l’s. The Beautiful Gay of Gaylord. I will not say how old she is. Let’s just say that for the next five days we will be the same age. Happy birthday, friend. Win big if that’s whatchy’all are doing!

So y’all know what that means, roight? A month or so ago, the GG and I were having the usual xmas gift conversation, you know the one. It’s where he asks me what I want for xmas and I tell him I want a dumpster in the damn Landfill Driveway. We worked that out with new iPhones but I was already thinking something like, “the next thing you know, he’s gonna be asking what I want for my birthday.” I tried to nip that in the bud by saying something like, “I think we should buy a new couch for my birthday.” And if you are one of my five regular readers you know that we looked at couches but didn’t make a decision. The truth is that I had this little nagging feeling that we would not be focused on couches or my blasted god-forsaken January birthday or anyone else’s in the new year. And we are not. We are hangin’ out in the Great Not-so-white-but-expecting-white North, luxury camping in the Squatter’s Paradise and living on hoosegow time. “The doctor will be here in five minutes [hours]”. Sigh.

So, what do I *not* want for my birthday this year? Bric-a-brac, gewgaws, knick-knacks, flowers (please no), food, books (really, no time to read and can’t concentrate), advice, household appliances, kitchen gadgets, clothing, I dunno, anything that’s not useful to the immediate situation. Yes food is useful but only if it fits into your current lifestyle. I am feeding myself (and the GG and probably the Grinch from time to time) in my current lifestyle by: 1) Occasional runs to Glens if I know I’ll need the Frog Hopper to haul the groceries, 2) quick walks from the hoosegow to the Co-op for items that have fallen through the cracks (dish soap anyone?) 3) restaurants, if the schedule doesn’t go according to plan or we are just over the blasted edge. We are not big eaters by any stretch of the imagination and any extra food (and probably some of what little I’ve already purchased) will likely go to waste. I will feel guilty for not sending it to China or wherever.

What *do* I want for my birthday? A clone (or two or three (or four or five)). Floo powder (or an apparation app). A key to the clockworks known as Hospital Time. Answers to all of the existential questions that The Commander asks over and over again [god are you listening?]. A translator for compromised Commander-speak so that I can more quickly interpret her needs / questions. Oh yeah, and whine!!!

Love y’all and gooood night,
KW

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 at 6:47 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.