Elephop and telephong

bluedeathBr-r-r-r-rinng. Br-r-r-rinnnggg. Nyello.

I hate telephones. I hate calling people. When people call me, I am jangled totally out of my seat (or reverie or whatever). Even when the sound is turned off on my phone. What’s wrong? What do you want? That doesn’t mean don’t ever call me. If you know me, that is. I decline most calls from unknown numbers (because I can). Text and email work best for me. If I am texting with somebody and I get tired of typing on my phone, I might ask that person if it’s a good time to call. It can be more expedient. I just don’t like to interrupt people. Facebook works in *some* circumstances but I think it’s awful in others. It’s complicated and maybe we’ll go there some other day.

I have an old-fashioned landline-type phone / voicemail musheen sitting on my desk at work. I can barely figger out how to dial out without accidentally calling the po-leese. I do not know how to use the voice mail. I do not know my own telephone number! I can’t say that I could count the number of times I have used that phone on one hand in the six (yikes!) years I have worked there but it is a rare event. Lemme see, I have used it a few times to talk to company tech support because my loverly-but-highly-encumbered-with-security-stuff laptop failed in some way. I think the LSCHP has called me on that phone maybe *twice*. Lewie-Lewiii does occasionally call. Why, I do not know. Unless he’s working from home, he’s a short walk away. At work, we do business via email, I/M, yelling over the wall (if you are talking to your cube naybers), or walking over to a far-flung person’s cube.

But then there are the folks who are trying to call the court… We all get those calls. Our numbers are similar to some court numbers somewhere in Washtenaw County. So. Brring brrring. KW: [insert-corp-name-here] Corporation.* Caller: Blah-blah-blah court date blah-blah. KW: I’m sorry. You have the wrong number. Caller: Is this blah-blah-blah court? KW: No. Caller [to somebody else]: It’s the wrong number. Caller gives KW the phone number he *tried* to dial. It has a zero on the end. KW’s phone does not. She has to look at the number printed on her phone to determine this. Long, confusing twilight zone conversation ensues where KW tries to convince the caller that he probably *does* have the correct number on whatever piece of paper he has in his hand but he has DIALED IT WRONG!!! FINALLY, she gets through to him. When she hangs up, hilarity ensues in cube-land. I don’t think [insert-corp-name-here] pays me to triage telephone calls to the court. Dooya think I can get a break on my property taxes? [wink]

P. S. Apologies to Laura Elizabeth Richards, who wrote my fave poem ever, Eletelephony and has a much more interesting biography than anything I ever imagined.

* I was never *told* how I should answer the phone at this job. So, if it is an unknown number, I just say (as professionally as I can possibly manage) “[insert-corp-name-here] Corporation”. Others have different approaches. “Hello this is [insert-first-name-here]” or just “Hello” or whatever. Some people probably don’t even answer the damn phone. Back when I worked at Your Tempo Store (in the Jurassic Age) we were carefully taught to answer the phone with “Thank you for calling Tempo. How may I help you?” These days in my particular job, we are all on our own but then again, we are not expected to deal with the public or even corporate customers.

One Response to “Elephop and telephong”

  1. Margaret Says:

    I sometimes like to talk on the phone. but I have to be in the mood for it. I hate texting for the most part since it’s difficult to have a real conversation or read people’s tones like on the phone or face to face. I’ve had wrong numbers insist that they dialed/called the right number and that I MUST be x person. (when I’m really z person) It’s crazy!