Kee-reist! Grok grok. Ol’ Baggy is always makin’ me do ‘er skoolwerk fer her. Will sum o’ y’all pleeze click on th’ ol’ link down there ‘n’ take my frog survey? frgok grok. You’ll be anonymouse, nobuddy’ll know who answered what. grok grok. She’s testin’ ou’ this ol’ Zoomy-rang thing fer a skool prodject ‘n’ ify’all’ll do th’ survey, I kin go ou’ ‘n’ carouse aroun’ with all my friens’ like Ol’ Baggy wuz doin’ with all th’ ol’ Haisley Mafia peepl she kept on runnin’ into t’day. grok grokk. Amy’s mom ‘n’ Amy too ‘n’ Jess M’s dad ‘n’ Colleen’s parents. grokgrok. Evrybuddy but ol’ Vicki ‘n’ Jane. But that’s prob’ly a good thing ’cause when Vick ‘n’ Jane come aroun’ things git really crazy aroun’ here. Enyway, here’s th’ link ‘n’ take th’ frog survey:

my frog survey

Wha’s that, Ol’ Baggy? Oh, okay. She sez t’ say, If th’ survey doesn’ work, let us know.

Grok grok grok GROK!!! My owner wrote that title. But she’s crazy! I’m NOT poopy-lar, Froggys do *not* poop. I’m POPy-lar! Grok grok grok! Enyway, since Ol’ Baggy can’t seem t’ get aroun’ t’ postin’ eny pitchers o’ ol’ Cally-forny, I guess I’ll hafta post pitchers o’ sum o’ my frien’s ou’ here. Click on ol’ Sluggy’s pitcher t’ see th’ whole gang! grok grok frgok grook!

Grok grok! This is ree-dickyoulus! Ol’ Baggy is outta milk, orangutang jooce, ‘n’ frog jooce all at once. ‘n’ she fired me from ‘er prodject ‘n’ she sez I can’t go t’ Callyforny! I shouldda stayed up there with th’ ol’ Commander.

Grok grok grok. Ol’ Baggy is learnin’ how t’ do sumthin’ called Flash ‘n’ so far that jus’ does *not* seem like a good idea. Grok grok. ‘course, instedda workin’ on ‘er homework, which’ll be th’ uggly-ist ol’ self portrit on erth, she’s bizzy makin’ some stupid rainbow pitcher. Grok grok. “But I *like* doin’ rainbow pitchers!” she sez. Grok grok. ‘n’ then she goes on ‘n’ on abou’ how when she wuz a kid, one o’ her cuzzints (Sally ‘r sumbuddy) showed ‘er how th’ cranbox had th’ colors o’ th’ rainbow, so she always made rainbow dezines. Grok grok. ‘n’ then she gits off abou’ how mad she wuz when th’ ol’ cran peepul got rid o’ some o’ th’ rainbow crans ‘n’ put in sum stoopid ones like “tickle me pink” ‘n’ “purple mountin’s majesty” ‘n’ “asparrygus” ‘n’ stuff. grok grok. You c’n check it ou’ here ifya wanna. Grok grok. ‘n’ *then* she goes off onna nother tangint abou’ how *another* cuzzint o’ hers (Mac ‘r sumbuddy, what kinda name is that, I thot it wuz a ‘puter) useta make her color inside th’ lines. Grok grok. Evrybody shoul’ know that colorin’ inside th’ lines is th’ *kerrect* way t’ color. Grok grok. Sumtimes I just can’t figger out Ol’ Baggy. Grok grok. Enyway, this stoopid ol’ rainbow thing is makin’ me dizzy. Grok grok. ‘n’ I can’t figger out how t’ make it stop. Grok frgok. Guess I better go git s’more frog jooce er sumthin’. Dum de dum de dum. Grok grok grok hic grOokGROK! Treguuuuuuurtha! Ker-flop! Zzzzzzzz.

Grok grok grok! Yay, we have a ol’ drill truck here! ‘n’ ushaly a bunch o’ other trucks too. Right down th’ street! See it? Grok grok. It is so excitin,’ me ‘n’ ol’ Smokie c’n hardly stand it! ‘n’ they even let me run th’ drill fer a while. Grok Grok. Seein’ as how I got me all that experyunse on the ol’ Linebelt las’ summer. Grok grok. They’re drillin’ down t’ check fer sumthin’ in th’ water. I think it’s called dioxane ‘r sumthin.’ Shore hope they find some, I’m runnin’ outta frog jooce ‘n’ stuff. Grok hic grok.

Yup. Grok grok frgok hic. It’s a byootyful day in th’ nayberhood. Jus’ like ol’ Mr. Raj useta say! Useta be one o’ my owner’s favyrite shows. ‘n’ th’ Polkadot Door too. Grok grok.

Grok grok. Y’all c’n click my li’l thermommyters t’ hear my latest li’l ditties. Grr-hic-grok. They’re short t’day ’cause Ol’ Baggy kep’ kickin’ me offa Ga-rage Band. Grok grok hic Grok.

Ol’ Baggy doesn’t have anythin’ werth sayin’ t’day. She wuz gonna write sum horryble sappy ol’ thing abou’ ol’ MLK Day but that’s all just a big ol’ ikskuse t’ give those ol’ slackers at th’ EPA a day off. But that ain’ what’s really important abou’ Jany-wary 15th! It is th’ ol’ Grinch’s birthday! Grok grok grok grok GROK!!! My frien’ Green Guy’s ol’ man ‘n’ Rady-kul Batty’s kid ‘n’ Ol’ Baggy’s bestist cuzzin. Er, one o’ her bestist cuzzins enyway. She has a lotta bestist cuzzins. I’m not sher how ol’ he is. Ol’ Baggy sez he’s older ‘n her. But she’s just abou’ as ol’ as ol’ Methusy-lah so I can’t figger out how he could be older. Enyway, here ‘e is! Pontify-katin’ on some important topic er other with ‘is winder washer ‘n’ ‘is squeegee. Ya can’t see us but me ‘n’ Ol’ Baggy ‘n’ Rady-kul Batty ‘n’ Green Guy are all listenin’ with rapt attenshun. Squee-grok! Squee-grok! Happy birthday Grinch!!! Love you very dearly!

 

 

Squee-grok! Squee-grok! Happy birthdy to th’ Ol’ Commander. Here’s a pitcher o’ her in her new gold hat. I shore hope she’s wearin’ her gold hat ta-day! There wuz a birthday party fer her at th’ hotel. Grok Grok. All o’ those crazy ol’ octy-wimin were s’pos’dta be there: Radical Betty ‘n’ Barb ‘n’ Cam ‘n’ Ginny. Grok grok, that ol’ hotel has good food. I went there wunce fer Easter breckfist. Grok Grok. I reccy-mend th’ Flea ‘n’ Fly Omlit. Anyway, click on the pitcher or click here fer more pitchers o’ th’ early birthdy party Th’ Comm threw fer herself last Saterdy night. It wuz pretty wild! Too bad ifya missed it. Er, there were some ghosties there too but I didn’t get any pitchers o’ them. Grok grok Sqeegrok!!!

 

Kee-reist. Grok grok. You stoopid ol’ blahg peeple do *not* want Ol’ Baggy t’ blahg t’day. Grok grok. She’s teeterin’ way too close t’ travelin’ funy-ral land. Grok grok. So I’ma takin’ this dern thing over ‘n’ I’m gonna featcher one o’ my fav-o-rite peepul, Ol’ Baggy’s cuzzin Jane. Grok grok. She likes t’ just be called Jane but t’day, we’re callin’ her Yootoob Jane. Grok grok. I think I c’n hear Th’ Ol’ Marquis in th’ backgroun’. Grok grok. Er, akshully, it sounds like Ol’ Baggy’s in there too, takin’ over th’ convy-sashun as usual. Grok grokgork GROK!

Grok Grok. I dunno why Ol’ Baggy is whinin’ aroun’ abou’ white ‘n’ gray xmases ‘n’ how sad ‘er stoopid ol’ life is. Grok grok. It is a *green* xmas here. Jus’ look at th’ froggies I got from Th’ Ol’ Commander! A nice li’l squeaky frog frien’. ‘n’ a *dish* froog! I hope Ol’ Baggy doesn’ break th’ dish froog. She’s such a big ol’ klutz! Squee-grok! Squee-grok! Happy Holly-days!

  

Our Callyforny girls are both home safe ‘n’ sound fer th’ holly-days. Th’ Beeyooty-ful Renee made it outta th’ Feenix aero-port ‘n’ ol’ Lizard Breath got thru th’ Denver aero-port withou’ eny incy-dent. Er, ‘cept fer some crazy ol’ growler on Lizard’s aero-plane who decided it’d be a good ol’ idea t’ smoke a ciggy-ret in th’ bathroom. Set off th’ ol’ smoke alarms ‘n’ got th’ ol’ Dee-troit po-lice russled up at th’ end o’ th’ flight. Not t’ mention abou’ th’ ol’ erth-quakes that’ve been goin’ on out there in Berkeley fer th’ last few days.

Enyway, my owner ‘n’ her cuzzin are practy-cly twins. Tha’s them in 2002 on th’ left with th’ ol’ growlers ‘n’ there they are in 2006 on th’ right.

  

Tick Tick Tick Tick Ding! Tick Tick Tick Tick Ding! Grok grok! Hee hee hee! Th’ stoopid ol’ bag ain’t availy-ble t’ blahg t’day so I’m takin’ th’ blahg over. Ol’ Baggy’s locked up in Version Hell! She’s makin’ a online bankin’ apply-caysh’n. I think she’s callin’ it Gone Phishin’ W’ Yer Money er sumthin, so y’all better not open up any accoun’s there er yer money migh’ disappear!

Her ol’ teacher, er, akshully, he ain’t ol’. He’s a heckuva lot younger than th’ ol’ bag. Enyway, he tol’ the stoopid ol’ stoodints tha’ when they got their apply-caysh’ns workin’ properly, they shoul’ burn ’em on t’ a CD ‘n’ stash ’em under th’ bed. But tha’ didn’ work fer th’ ol’ bag, ’cause th’ critters tha’ live under th’ ol’ bag’s bed have eaten th’ CD!

I think this’s all perty funny. Las’ year, she got in t’ Bottom Posishun Sticky Menu Hell ‘n’ tha’ was a lot werse ’cause she made ME go down in t’ the docy-ment object model ‘n’ try t’ fix it fer her. She tethered me up t’ this stoopid ol’ javy-scrip’ timer ‘n’ ev’ry 5 secints, it pushed me down on top o’ this pore li’l ol’ <div> t’ make it go back down t’ th’ bottom o’ th’ ol’ web page. Tick Tick Tick Tick Ding! Tick Tick Tick Tick Ding! You shouldda heard th’ swearin’ ‘n’ stuff whenever I got distracted or dozed off or handed off a li’l swig o’ frog juice t’ th’ ol’ timer. Tick Tick Hic Tick Hic Tick Ding! ‘n fact, after a few o’ those swigs, th’ timer kinda slowed down ‘n’ evenshy-ally, it wen’ t’ sleep. Tickzzzzzzzzzzzz….. Th’ cute li’l <div> was free t’ gally-vant all over th’ ol’ web page ‘n’ th’ ol’ bag was just SOL, ify’all know wha’ tha’ means.

Ol’ Baggy is gonna hafta get ‘er own self outta Version Hell though. I ain’ helpin’ ‘er. It’s abou’ time she took a blast’d blahg break enyway. Blahggin’ abou’ ol’ boyfrien’s. Sheesh! I don’ think th’ ol’ bag ever even *had* a boyfrien’ before th’ ol’ growler came along. Big Band Boy wouldda said sumthin like “Kee-reist!” So, me ‘n’ ol’ Smokie ‘n’ Squeakey ‘n’ some o’ th’ rest’ll just hafta take th’ ol’ blahg over. Tick tick tick tick ding! Grok grok!

Cast o’ characters

Star:	Meeee! Froggy! The cap’n o’ th’ spaceship.
Co-Star:	Mouse: A slightly greater hold on reality than Froggy.
Strong Support:	Hissy, Bouncy, Possums, Horsey, Mally, Frilly, Crashfly, Orcasina Aquamarina, Ostrich, Orange Babies, Stuardesses, Cooks, Messengers, Announcers, etc.
Support Stagecrew:	The rest of the stuffed aminals.

Script

Froggy:	All hands on deck! AAALL HAAAANDS OON DEEECK! That wave (grok grok!) it’s a big one! AAAAAAAAH! Meteor shower ahead!
Mouse:	Froggy? This is not a watership, this is not a spaceship, it *is* a cardboard box!
Froggy:	Grok grok. Oooooops. Oh yeah, I fer-got, sorry.

Grok grok. Th’ stoopid ol’ bag wuz babblin’ aroun’ yest’rday abou’ blahggin’ abou’ snow. grok grok. I thought she’d fin’ly flipped ‘er ol’ lid but now I’m ou’ hoppin’ ‘n’ sproingin’ aroun’ in that beeyootyful white stuff. grok grok. But th’ ol’ witch ain’t in any shape t’ blahg abou’ anythin’. She’s sleepin’ it off in my laundry basket. grok grok. So I’ll jus’ hafta blahg it m’self. grokgrokfrokGROK!. I jus’ bet those Callyforny girls ‘r’ wishin’ they coul’ be back ‘ere in th’ Grea’ White North! ‘n’ all you guys over in ol’ St. Louie too. Squee-grok. grook grokgrokGROK! Sproing Sproing! Click th’ pitchers t’ make ’em bigger. grokgROKFRGOK!